To My Rachel: Hair

Oh, Rachel.

Yesterday you did something that I have been dreading for years. I have heard that at some point most little girls will cut their hair, but I really didn't expect this and especially not from you! Yesterday you cut your hair off. Really, cut your hair off.

I was running around, going between making dinner, feeding Kingsley and keeping Cordelia from tearing up the house. I wasn't paying much attention to you, but that's not really a bad thing since you are quite independent and have always been a great solo player. You were in your playroom and I wasn't worried.

Earlier, while Cordelia was napping you had asked if you could use scissors for arts and crafts. I had bought you a new school book and you wanted to see if it had cutting exercises like the book at Grandma's had. It didn't, so you just did some snipping of your own. I forgot to make sure you put the scissors away. Cordelia woke up and I gave you two baths, then we came down and Kingsley woke up, dinner had to start, Cordelia started going stir crazy...

Just before dinner was ready, I opened the garbage lid to toss something in and saw a pile of hair. HAIR. Your hair. I just stood there staring for a minute trying to figure out why I was looking at a pile of your hair. I called you into the room and you came in. We just stared at each other. I'm not sure what my face looked like, but you looked worried when you saw my face. Not scared, not embarrassed, not guilty. That told me a lot. I said, "Rachel, you cut your hair." And you said, "Yeah..."

I wasn't sure how to react. Do I get mad, when you clearly didn't realize what you had done was wrong? Do I laugh, which may encourage you to try it again? Do I cry, which may make you feel bad about yourself when clearly it was only hair...? I got a little dizzy. I did what I always do in these crazy situations. I sat you on the counter and got out my camera.

I don't know what made you do it, but you chopped the sides and a lot of the back. You told me later that you didn't do all of the back because you couldn't reach it. The right side was cut more than the left, but the left side was shorter. There was even a chunk in front where you had cut your bangs even shorter along with a lock that was not supposed to be bangs.

Today, I took you to Max&Oskars, a kids hair salon where you got your first haircut. There, for $25, I tried to get your hair fixed. At first today, you didn't understand why this would be your last ponytail or why we had to cut your hair more, but after it was done you didn't seem to care at all. You've been running around like nothing happened. I keep getting caught off guard by your super short 'do.