Dear Rachel,
Daddy and I didn't find out that you were a girl until I was about 31 weeks pregnant. We had to accept that we may not find out until you were born and so get crackin on finding a name for you, boy or girl. Until I got pregnant, I always believed that you couldn't really pick a name for a baby until you looked them in the face and saw if it fit. I think Nana told me that. Anyway, once I was pregnant with you I realized that was wrong. I knew you. I could feel you, talk to you, play with you. I felt like we were already communicating. So, when it came to picking names, I knew when we found the right one, I would be able to tell.
Daddy and I did not agree on any names though, unfortunately. We must have gone through nearly a dozen baby name books. I read credits after movies, on TV shows, scanned headlines and magazines. Thought of every book I ever read and all the names in them. We would lie in bed and just toss out names randomly. Every name would be responded to immediately - with: "no", "as if", "you're kidding, right?" or "veto."
One morning we were lying in bed feeling you move (must've been a weekend) and I said, "Rachel." And Daddy paused, then said, "Yeah." And I said, "Yeah? Really?" I had to think about it for a moment. I had been tossing out names for months and never once had your Dad said anything even close to a 'maybe' so this caught me off guard. I wasn't even sure if I liked it!
Turned out, I did. I didn't have any clients named Rachel (still haven't) and never met a Rachel I didn't like. It was classic, not too trendy, but not too out there. It fit.
Renee was always going to be your middle name. My Nana's name was Irene, but people called her Rene (ree-nee). I wanted to name you in her honour, but not 'after' her necessarily. Old names are making a comeback, but Irene... not so much. I adored my Nana and had a special relationship with her.
Once Rachel Renee was decided on, I called you it in my head all the time. When I talked to you when no one was around, I used your name and it was right. I could tell that you were Rachel. When I was in labour with you at the hospital, the nurse asked what your name was going to be. We hesitated and said, "Rachel Renee... maybe?" because I was still stuck on having to see you to be certain. What if I was wrong? What if my mom was right and you didn't look anything like a Rachel? Obviously, you were. :)
And that's how you got your name.
Love Mommy
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Hair
Oh, Rachel.
Yesterday you did something that I have been dreading for years. I have heard that at some point most little girls will cut their hair, but I really didn't expect this and especially not from you! Yesterday you cut your hair off. Really, cut your hair off.
I was running around, going between making dinner, feeding Kingsley and keeping Cordelia from tearing up the house. I wasn't paying much attention to you, but that's not really a bad thing since you are quite independent and have always been a great solo player. You were in your playroom and I wasn't worried.
Earlier, while Cordelia was napping you had asked if you could use scissors for arts and crafts. I had bought you a new school book and you wanted to see if it had cutting exercises like the book at Grandma's had. It didn't, so you just did some snipping of your own. I forgot to make sure you put the scissors away. Cordelia woke up and I gave you two baths, then we came down and Kingsley woke up, dinner had to start, Cordelia started going stir crazy...
Just before dinner was ready, I opened the garbage lid to toss something in and saw a pile of hair. HAIR. Your hair. I just stood there staring for a minute trying to figure out why I was looking at a pile of your hair. I called you into the room and you came in. We just stared at each other. I'm not sure what my face looked like, but you looked worried when you saw my face. Not scared, not embarrassed, not guilty. That told me a lot. I said, "Rachel, you cut your hair." And you said, "Yeah..."
I wasn't sure how to react. Do I get mad, when you clearly didn't realize what you had done was wrong? Do I laugh, which may encourage you to try it again? Do I cry, which may make you feel bad about yourself when clearly it was only hair...? I got a little dizzy. I did what I always do in these crazy situations. I sat you on the counter and got out my camera.
Yesterday you did something that I have been dreading for years. I have heard that at some point most little girls will cut their hair, but I really didn't expect this and especially not from you! Yesterday you cut your hair off. Really, cut your hair off.
I was running around, going between making dinner, feeding Kingsley and keeping Cordelia from tearing up the house. I wasn't paying much attention to you, but that's not really a bad thing since you are quite independent and have always been a great solo player. You were in your playroom and I wasn't worried.
Earlier, while Cordelia was napping you had asked if you could use scissors for arts and crafts. I had bought you a new school book and you wanted to see if it had cutting exercises like the book at Grandma's had. It didn't, so you just did some snipping of your own. I forgot to make sure you put the scissors away. Cordelia woke up and I gave you two baths, then we came down and Kingsley woke up, dinner had to start, Cordelia started going stir crazy...
Just before dinner was ready, I opened the garbage lid to toss something in and saw a pile of hair. HAIR. Your hair. I just stood there staring for a minute trying to figure out why I was looking at a pile of your hair. I called you into the room and you came in. We just stared at each other. I'm not sure what my face looked like, but you looked worried when you saw my face. Not scared, not embarrassed, not guilty. That told me a lot. I said, "Rachel, you cut your hair." And you said, "Yeah..."
I wasn't sure how to react. Do I get mad, when you clearly didn't realize what you had done was wrong? Do I laugh, which may encourage you to try it again? Do I cry, which may make you feel bad about yourself when clearly it was only hair...? I got a little dizzy. I did what I always do in these crazy situations. I sat you on the counter and got out my camera.
I don't know what made you do it, but you chopped the sides and a lot of the back. You told me later that you didn't do all of the back because you couldn't reach it. The right side was cut more than the left, but the left side was shorter. There was even a chunk in front where you had cut your bangs even shorter along with a lock that was not supposed to be bangs.
Today, I took you to Max&Oskars, a kids hair salon where you got your first haircut. There, for $25, I tried to get your hair fixed. At first today, you didn't understand why this would be your last ponytail or why we had to cut your hair more, but after it was done you didn't seem to care at all. You've been running around like nothing happened. I keep getting caught off guard by your super short 'do.
You're such a beautiful girl though. We could shave your head and you'd still be the most beautiful child with only a smile.
Love Mommy
Monday, May 3, 2010
My Social Butterfly
Dear Rachie,
Today we went to the park again with Kingsley and Cordelia. When we got there, there was 2 little girls with their grandparents and a bunch of boys playing. We had lunch, then you and Cordelia went to play. At first you wandered around exploring the equipment, avoiding the agressive boys, helping Cordelia out every now and again. Then all of a sudden, you were holding hands and bringing another little girl over to meet your baby brother. Her name was Riley (you were both delighted to find that your names both started with R and had e's in them) and she was also 4 years old. You played together until her grandparents dragged her away to go home and we left to feed the ducks.
You are just like this. You make friends where ever you go and other little kids love playing with you. You have such an infectious smile and sweet laugh. I've never seen you fight or argue with your friends and some of your more rambunctious friends are calm when you're around. I hope you always make friends this easily.
Love Mommy
Today we went to the park again with Kingsley and Cordelia. When we got there, there was 2 little girls with their grandparents and a bunch of boys playing. We had lunch, then you and Cordelia went to play. At first you wandered around exploring the equipment, avoiding the agressive boys, helping Cordelia out every now and again. Then all of a sudden, you were holding hands and bringing another little girl over to meet your baby brother. Her name was Riley (you were both delighted to find that your names both started with R and had e's in them) and she was also 4 years old. You played together until her grandparents dragged her away to go home and we left to feed the ducks.
You are just like this. You make friends where ever you go and other little kids love playing with you. You have such an infectious smile and sweet laugh. I've never seen you fight or argue with your friends and some of your more rambunctious friends are calm when you're around. I hope you always make friends this easily.
Love Mommy
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Dance Party
Hi Baby,
Just about your favourite thing to do lately is have a dance party. You have a CD that we got for free in a McDonald's Happy Meal last summer. It's by Kid's Bop or something. Kid versions of current pop songs. This one has Pon de Replay by Rihanna, Beautiful Girl by Shawn Kingston, and Girls Just Wanna Have Fun by Cindy Lauper. You blare it and dance and dance and dance. Cordelia has started dancing with you now and is getting better.
The other day my friend Alison brought over two pettiskirts for you and Cordelia. That has brought your dance party up to another level. I LOVE watching you dance.
Just about your favourite thing to do lately is have a dance party. You have a CD that we got for free in a McDonald's Happy Meal last summer. It's by Kid's Bop or something. Kid versions of current pop songs. This one has Pon de Replay by Rihanna, Beautiful Girl by Shawn Kingston, and Girls Just Wanna Have Fun by Cindy Lauper. You blare it and dance and dance and dance. Cordelia has started dancing with you now and is getting better.
The other day my friend Alison brought over two pettiskirts for you and Cordelia. That has brought your dance party up to another level. I LOVE watching you dance.
Love Mommy
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Your Nicknames
Hi Rachel,
You have a ton of nicknames, some have stuck, some have not. Grandpa always gave me and Auntie Kristi and Uncle David, so it was only natural that you would have a number of them as well. You are also at an age now where you are beginning to create nicknames of your own for your brother and sister. You call Cordelia The Marvelous Cormelia, and you decided that Kingsley's nickname should be Frog. Here is why we call you what we do:
Rach, Rachie: Obviously short forms of your name. A lot of people call you Rachie, like Silvia and Eric and Cordelia (Chay-chee).
Turtle, Turtle D: this was your first nickname and I gave it to you. When I was in the hospital with you after your birth you would do a weird stretch where your head would suddenly stretch out from your body and you would make a face with like you were going face first into the wind. It reminded me of an old turtle coming out of it's shell. You were my first baby and the first newborn I had spent anytime with, so I didn't know that most (all?) babies make this face.
Mr. Miagee: another name you had as a baby. When I picked you up under your arms, you'd scruch in and it would remind me of that bird pose in Karate Kid (which is a movie from way before your time). Mr. Miagee was a character in that movie.
Rachel B, Miss B, Rachie B, Baby B, Angel B: all things from your name and initials.
Love Mommy
You have a ton of nicknames, some have stuck, some have not. Grandpa always gave me and Auntie Kristi and Uncle David, so it was only natural that you would have a number of them as well. You are also at an age now where you are beginning to create nicknames of your own for your brother and sister. You call Cordelia The Marvelous Cormelia, and you decided that Kingsley's nickname should be Frog. Here is why we call you what we do:
Rach, Rachie: Obviously short forms of your name. A lot of people call you Rachie, like Silvia and Eric and Cordelia (Chay-chee).
Turtle, Turtle D: this was your first nickname and I gave it to you. When I was in the hospital with you after your birth you would do a weird stretch where your head would suddenly stretch out from your body and you would make a face with like you were going face first into the wind. It reminded me of an old turtle coming out of it's shell. You were my first baby and the first newborn I had spent anytime with, so I didn't know that most (all?) babies make this face.
Mr. Miagee: another name you had as a baby. When I picked you up under your arms, you'd scruch in and it would remind me of that bird pose in Karate Kid (which is a movie from way before your time). Mr. Miagee was a character in that movie.
Rachel B, Miss B, Rachie B, Baby B, Angel B: all things from your name and initials.
Love Mommy
Friday, April 23, 2010
The Park
Hi Rachie,
Today we went to the park and met up with my friend Alison and her four kids. You have met them before, but you didn't remember it, although you had called yourself Princess Kaia for quite sometime after meeting them. We had a picnic and then played on the equipment and fed the geese. You had a great time. You are closer in age to Alison's four year old daughter, Faron, but bonded right away with her older daughter, Kaia. The two of you ran around, played on the teeter totter, played tag, and lay on the blankets eating leftovers from lunch and talking about your families. I love listening to you talk to other kids and watching you play. You are so sure of yourself and just enjoy yourself in everything you do. I am endlessly proud of you.
Today we went to the park and met up with my friend Alison and her four kids. You have met them before, but you didn't remember it, although you had called yourself Princess Kaia for quite sometime after meeting them. We had a picnic and then played on the equipment and fed the geese. You had a great time. You are closer in age to Alison's four year old daughter, Faron, but bonded right away with her older daughter, Kaia. The two of you ran around, played on the teeter totter, played tag, and lay on the blankets eating leftovers from lunch and talking about your families. I love listening to you talk to other kids and watching you play. You are so sure of yourself and just enjoy yourself in everything you do. I am endlessly proud of you.
Love Mommy
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Your Birth Story
Dear Rachel,
I'm going to tell you about your birth.
When I was 38 weeks pregnant, I went to my last OB appointment. She checked and told me that I was 2cm dilated already, but not to get excited about it. That night, Daddy and I went to dinner at Grandma's house. Daddy's Uncle John said I 'had the look' and that he guessed I wouldn't last the weekend. He was right!
The next day, Thursday, nothing happened.
On Friday, Grandpa Allan, Grandma Marilynn, Auntie Crystal and Uncle Connor came over for dinner. I was so tired! I was exhausted just from ordering pizza and couldn't wait for them to leave so I could go to bed.
The next morning, I woke up with some odd feelings. I was having contractions! After waiting a bit and staying in bed I realized they weren't going away. I got out my baby book and started writing down the times. They were all over the place, not painful at all, not consistent. I parked myself in my lazyboy and watched the last of my Sex and the City DVD's, laying on my heating pad. I felt fine. Nana always said that 'when it happens, you'll know'. Well, I had no idea, so I figured that must mean it wasn't it. She had also said that her labours were hours and days long, so not to call her in the early hours so that she didn't have to be put in suspense for ages. So, I watched my DVD's and just kept writing down the time.
In the early afternoon, they petered off and stopped. I had a shower. Then I had a nap.
Around 4pm, they started up again and this time they came a lot faster. They still didn't hurt. Just after 6pm, I called Nana. She was confused when I told her they were every 5 minutes or so for the last 2 hours, they lasted a minute, but they didn't hurt. She told me to call Telehealth (a health hotline where you get to talk to a nurse). After I finished the last DVD, I called. The nurse freaked out! She told me to get to the hospital right away as the contractions were now 3-4 minutes apart.
I called my friend Jordanna (Auntie JJ) and told her it was time. She was meeting us at the hospital to help me stay calm during labour. Then, just as I was finishing packing my bag, Grandpa Allan and Grandma Marilynn showed up. They brought a bassinette for you to sleep in and a pink hippo. We told them I was on my way to the hospital and they were so excited!
On the way to the hospital, we returned my SATC DVD's to Blockbuster. When we got to the hospital, Daddy asked if we should park or if he should drop me off. I said I was fine, let's park. It was only across the street that I had to walk.
As soon as I got out of the car, I had a contraction. Only this time it was huge and it hurt like none other. I could barely walk without having another and another and another. It took us forever to get across the street because they kept coming and they hurt so much! NOW I knew it was time!
We got in and met Auntie JJ. The nurses checked me and said I was only 3cm dilated and that I should walk the halls a bit to see if that would get things moving more. The three of us walked for an hour. We got up and down the hall maybe twice. I kept having to stop. I tried every different position: standing, sitting, squatting, rocking, leaning... nothing helped. Daddy yelled at a nurse that I was in labour and needed a room! They brought me back in and checked me again. The nurse was kind enough to notice that I was 'hyper contracting' and that there wasn't much of a break between the contractions, they just kept coming one after the other. I already knew that! She asked if I wanted an epidural. I wasn't sure! I asked the nurse how far along I was and when she thought that you would be born. She said that since it was my first baby and I had been having contractions for about 5-6 hours at that point, she figured it would be until the next morning. I wasn't sure I could last that long. I could hardly talk enough to tell them to get me an epidural. Daddy was very happy to hear that.
They set me up in my own birthing room then and had me answer a whole bunch of questions between contractions (which didn't really happen). Then they kicked Daddy and Auntie JJ out of the room and told me that it wasn't long then. By 11:30, the pain would be gone. They were right! The doctor put in my epidural and it worked perfectly. Within 20 minutes, all feeling was gone from my waist down. It was a very odd feeling, but such a nice break from the contractions. Daddy, Auntie JJ and I sat around chatting, joking, and hanging out for awhile. We were making bets on when you would arrive. I bet 7am, Auntie JJ bet sometime around 4 or 5am, and Daddy said 2:12am since that was what time he was born at. We all laughed at Daddy because it was 1am and things weren't moving that fast.
The nurse told us to take a nap. She said it would be a long night and I had some work to do, so it was best to rest. She told me that a baby's heart rate often dips during transition, so not to get upset if she suddenly put an oxygen mask on me. She also had to flip me from one side to the other to make sure that the epidural was equal on both sides. With that, we dimmed the lights and closed our eyes. At 2:09, Daddy piped up and said he only had 3 minutes to win. We laughed and dozed some more. Four minutes later, the nurse stood up and put the oxygen mask on me. Then she started to roll me from one side to the other, but froze halfway, turned on the lights, opened the door and yelled for the doctor, then told Daddy and Auntie JJ to grab my legs. I was barely awake and you were coming!
The doctors and nurses came in, the bed was prepped, my legs were grabbed and in a couple short pushes, you flew out. You were wailing in no time and scored nice and high on your Apgar. Daddy and Auntie JJ went with you to take pictures of you being wiped off and weighed (8lbs 6oz) and measured (20inches). Then they wrapped you up and put you in my arms.
You were unbelievable. There aren't words for what it feels like to have your first child placed in your arms. I could not believe that you were mine and that you were that wiggly thing that had been growning inside me for 9 months. And I could not fathom how beautiful you were, with your little face all scrunched up and pink. You smelled incredible. I had no idea that a new baby could smell so delicious. I turned to your Daddy and said, "I want ten!" I was so certain in that moment that being a mom was what I was meant to be and I just wanted this incredible moment to happen again and again and again. And again.
I had to stay in the birthing room for an hour after you were born to make sure that nothing happened to either of us. I got to start nursing you right away and you did well at it. We called Nana and Grandpa, Grandma, and Grandpa Allan and Grandma Marilynn. We had Nana call Auntie Kristi to tell her right away. The first grandbaby! I can't even describe how excited everyone was to hear of your birth.
They pushed my bed to the ward room after that. Auntie JJ, Daddy and I sat around staring at you for awhile, then Auntie JJ left to get some sleep. At about 4:30am, Daddy left to get some sleep and I was left alone with you. Just you and me.
I couldn't sleep. I just lay there watching you. Picking you up and holding you, then putting you back in your bassinette and watching you. Then picking you up again so I could inhale your smell and stare at your beautiful little face again. I had no idea what to do with you, other than adore your every bit. I had never been happier in my entire life.
Love Mommy
I'm going to tell you about your birth.
When I was 38 weeks pregnant, I went to my last OB appointment. She checked and told me that I was 2cm dilated already, but not to get excited about it. That night, Daddy and I went to dinner at Grandma's house. Daddy's Uncle John said I 'had the look' and that he guessed I wouldn't last the weekend. He was right!
The next day, Thursday, nothing happened.
On Friday, Grandpa Allan, Grandma Marilynn, Auntie Crystal and Uncle Connor came over for dinner. I was so tired! I was exhausted just from ordering pizza and couldn't wait for them to leave so I could go to bed.
The next morning, I woke up with some odd feelings. I was having contractions! After waiting a bit and staying in bed I realized they weren't going away. I got out my baby book and started writing down the times. They were all over the place, not painful at all, not consistent. I parked myself in my lazyboy and watched the last of my Sex and the City DVD's, laying on my heating pad. I felt fine. Nana always said that 'when it happens, you'll know'. Well, I had no idea, so I figured that must mean it wasn't it. She had also said that her labours were hours and days long, so not to call her in the early hours so that she didn't have to be put in suspense for ages. So, I watched my DVD's and just kept writing down the time.
In the early afternoon, they petered off and stopped. I had a shower. Then I had a nap.
Around 4pm, they started up again and this time they came a lot faster. They still didn't hurt. Just after 6pm, I called Nana. She was confused when I told her they were every 5 minutes or so for the last 2 hours, they lasted a minute, but they didn't hurt. She told me to call Telehealth (a health hotline where you get to talk to a nurse). After I finished the last DVD, I called. The nurse freaked out! She told me to get to the hospital right away as the contractions were now 3-4 minutes apart.
I called my friend Jordanna (Auntie JJ) and told her it was time. She was meeting us at the hospital to help me stay calm during labour. Then, just as I was finishing packing my bag, Grandpa Allan and Grandma Marilynn showed up. They brought a bassinette for you to sleep in and a pink hippo. We told them I was on my way to the hospital and they were so excited!
On the way to the hospital, we returned my SATC DVD's to Blockbuster. When we got to the hospital, Daddy asked if we should park or if he should drop me off. I said I was fine, let's park. It was only across the street that I had to walk.
As soon as I got out of the car, I had a contraction. Only this time it was huge and it hurt like none other. I could barely walk without having another and another and another. It took us forever to get across the street because they kept coming and they hurt so much! NOW I knew it was time!
We got in and met Auntie JJ. The nurses checked me and said I was only 3cm dilated and that I should walk the halls a bit to see if that would get things moving more. The three of us walked for an hour. We got up and down the hall maybe twice. I kept having to stop. I tried every different position: standing, sitting, squatting, rocking, leaning... nothing helped. Daddy yelled at a nurse that I was in labour and needed a room! They brought me back in and checked me again. The nurse was kind enough to notice that I was 'hyper contracting' and that there wasn't much of a break between the contractions, they just kept coming one after the other. I already knew that! She asked if I wanted an epidural. I wasn't sure! I asked the nurse how far along I was and when she thought that you would be born. She said that since it was my first baby and I had been having contractions for about 5-6 hours at that point, she figured it would be until the next morning. I wasn't sure I could last that long. I could hardly talk enough to tell them to get me an epidural. Daddy was very happy to hear that.
They set me up in my own birthing room then and had me answer a whole bunch of questions between contractions (which didn't really happen). Then they kicked Daddy and Auntie JJ out of the room and told me that it wasn't long then. By 11:30, the pain would be gone. They were right! The doctor put in my epidural and it worked perfectly. Within 20 minutes, all feeling was gone from my waist down. It was a very odd feeling, but such a nice break from the contractions. Daddy, Auntie JJ and I sat around chatting, joking, and hanging out for awhile. We were making bets on when you would arrive. I bet 7am, Auntie JJ bet sometime around 4 or 5am, and Daddy said 2:12am since that was what time he was born at. We all laughed at Daddy because it was 1am and things weren't moving that fast.
The nurse told us to take a nap. She said it would be a long night and I had some work to do, so it was best to rest. She told me that a baby's heart rate often dips during transition, so not to get upset if she suddenly put an oxygen mask on me. She also had to flip me from one side to the other to make sure that the epidural was equal on both sides. With that, we dimmed the lights and closed our eyes. At 2:09, Daddy piped up and said he only had 3 minutes to win. We laughed and dozed some more. Four minutes later, the nurse stood up and put the oxygen mask on me. Then she started to roll me from one side to the other, but froze halfway, turned on the lights, opened the door and yelled for the doctor, then told Daddy and Auntie JJ to grab my legs. I was barely awake and you were coming!
The doctors and nurses came in, the bed was prepped, my legs were grabbed and in a couple short pushes, you flew out. You were wailing in no time and scored nice and high on your Apgar. Daddy and Auntie JJ went with you to take pictures of you being wiped off and weighed (8lbs 6oz) and measured (20inches). Then they wrapped you up and put you in my arms.
You were unbelievable. There aren't words for what it feels like to have your first child placed in your arms. I could not believe that you were mine and that you were that wiggly thing that had been growning inside me for 9 months. And I could not fathom how beautiful you were, with your little face all scrunched up and pink. You smelled incredible. I had no idea that a new baby could smell so delicious. I turned to your Daddy and said, "I want ten!" I was so certain in that moment that being a mom was what I was meant to be and I just wanted this incredible moment to happen again and again and again. And again.
I had to stay in the birthing room for an hour after you were born to make sure that nothing happened to either of us. I got to start nursing you right away and you did well at it. We called Nana and Grandpa, Grandma, and Grandpa Allan and Grandma Marilynn. We had Nana call Auntie Kristi to tell her right away. The first grandbaby! I can't even describe how excited everyone was to hear of your birth.
They pushed my bed to the ward room after that. Auntie JJ, Daddy and I sat around staring at you for awhile, then Auntie JJ left to get some sleep. At about 4:30am, Daddy left to get some sleep and I was left alone with you. Just you and me.
I couldn't sleep. I just lay there watching you. Picking you up and holding you, then putting you back in your bassinette and watching you. Then picking you up again so I could inhale your smell and stare at your beautiful little face again. I had no idea what to do with you, other than adore your every bit. I had never been happier in my entire life.
Love Mommy
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