My First Pregnancy

Hi My Little Love,

I've mentioned before that I did not enjoy being pregnant with you, but don't be offended. I didn't enjoy being pregnant with your brother or sister either! Let me tell you about it.

The nausea started when I was about 5 or 6 weeks pregnant. It lasted until about 14 weeks, then came back by 23 weeks. I never threw up, just constantly felt like I was going to. Some times, I wished I would. I gained very little weight in the first trimester because I could barely bring myself to eat. I made up for it in the second and third trimester though. In the end, I gained about 48lbs. It was incredibly surreal to the point of hilarity for me at times to see the numbers creeping up on the scale. I couldn't believe the numbers.

Despite the nausea, I had crazy cravings. I never before understood what pregnancy cravings were, but the overwhelming, sudden urge for specific food was undeniable. I wanted fish and chips from the place around the corner from where I grew up. I wanted my Nana's spaghetti sauce. I wanted garlic, cloves and coves of garlic. Baked potatoes, cheese, ravioli, french fries, caesar salad.

Part of why I gained so much weight was the swelling. It started early during the 4th month and didn't let up until after your birth. I felt like a sausage ready to burst out of it's casing. It wasn't pretty. My driver's license picture had to be taken a few weeks before you were born and the picture looks nothing like me because of how puffy my face was. My feet bulged out of my shoes. I had to wear Daddy's socks because my own cut the circulation off in my feet.

I was tired all the time. My back hurt, my hips hurt, and I experienced heart burn for the first time in my life. I discovered what acid reflux is.  Tums became part of my daily intake.

And amongst all of this, I discovered something amazing. You! I first saw you in mid-September. When the ultrasound technician turned the screen and showed me you, I teared up. You were this tiny little thing and you were moving all around! I couldn't feel it, but I could see you! I wanted to watch you forever. I had never seen anything so amazing in all of my life.

Two weeks later, at Daddy's friend Andrew's funeral, I felt you move. I was sitting in the church and the priest was waving around incense and I felt you fluttering around. It was like music inside of me. By 18 weeks, I was feeling you all of the time and by 21 weeks Daddy could feel you, too. I would wake up in the middle of the night to find his hands on my belly as the two of you had your first father-daughter time.  We would lie in bed on Saturday and Sunday mornings and I would eat the chocolate from my Advent calendar so that we could watch you move.  It was the most incredible thing I had ever seen or felt. By 31 weeks, the movement became painful.  You were head down and some days it felt like you had a knee wedged on each side of my ribs as I drove home from work. I couldn't fathom how I could possibly get bigger, but still I did. I could feel your body parts and identify where your head, shoulders, bum and limbs were.  You hiccupped a lot!

In mid-February I finally had my second ultrasound. The technician was very bubbly and before she invited Daddy back in, she asked me if I wanted to know if you were a boy or girl. I said YES! She turned the screen and looked at me expectantly. I looked back at her. I had no idea what I was looking at. "It's a girl!" she said. Up until that point, I had always said I didn't care if you were a boy or girl and I thought I honestly meant it. But hearing the words 'it's a girl' brought so much happiness, I was overwhelmed. I was so thrilled. She brought Daddy in and I couldn't hide my huge smile as I told him the news. 

Other than that, they were a little concerned about your size and my size. I was put on a diet, then another diet, then told to just forget it.  Apparently, I was just meant to gain weight!

When I was 36 weeks pregnant, I was almost induced. I was very busy at work and my Grandma was sick. My blood pressure went up. I had a NonStress Test: two straps and monitors were wrapped around my belly and I was given a button to push everytime you moved. I lay on the hospital bed in triage and talked to you for 45 minutes, trying to stay calm and just keep you calm. We passed and I was allowed to leave.

On Saturday, March 18, at 38 weeks, 6 days, I went into labour with you and the long, long pregnancy finally came to an end very early the next morning. It was, and still is, one of the best days of my life.

Love Mommy